I never really tried
I don't know how to cheat
And I'm not sure how to hide
I am a clumsy man
Eager and untried
I'd like to prove I am completely qualified
And so I have come to ask
Teach me how to lie
I promise not to look you in the eye
I know it will be hard
I'm grateful for the pain
I am low in your regard
But I will not complain
I get the hint, I understand, you disapprove
I'll take your notes to heart
I promise to improve and so
I see why you're the guy
Can teach me how to lie
And now my confidence is high
Can't stand the selfies that I'm getting on this phone
Maybe it's the size
But I barely recognize
My own face when I am taking pictures all alone
People used to think it sad when you had to take your own damn photo
Now it's so convenient we don't need to have a friend
Other than the chaps
On our social apps
We can pick and choose the folks we want to entertain
Curating interactions
Like a whispering campaign
Each smile a new transaction
And each shrug a daisy chain
And each calculated silence
Is like a glimpse of violence and I
Am growing confident
I'm feeling more secure
I am firm in my belief
But of what I'm not quite sure
Best watch your back for I am slowly gaining speed
The real me in the rear view mirror rapidly recedes
a ha – I think I'm catching on
Is this the way to lie
I caught that look of worry in your eye
And so it's come to this
I'd like to shake your hand
(gotta say you made a perfect teacher
(really got me feeling like a beautiful creature now)
Wish I had time to reminisce
But my day is strictly planned
(may I say you've been an awesome pupil
(really quite impressed how you threw all your scruples out)
It's such a shame to toss you underneath the bus
But the world has changed so quickly you're no longer one of us
In our world where lies are truth
And accidents are crimes
And all your past mistakes are dragged out in the sun and left to die
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